My son is about to turn 13 this month.
He has also been asking me for a “nerf war” with him since we moved out of our condo and into our larger current home, about 10 months ago.
Things got in the way… I made excuses.
It never felt like the right time…
The truth is…
My nervous system couldn’t imagine being shot at by nerf bullets during this time. His nerf guns are bigger now too.
Finally, when it became clear to me why I have been avoiding this simple request for fun with my son, I shared it with him.
I told him I’ve been avoiding the nerf war because it felt too intense for me at the times he asked. My system needed regulation and the idea of being shot at sounded horrible to me.
This was true AND so is this…
In honoring that my nervous system regulation is a cornerstone to my entire life experience…
Mine was yearning to evolve.
WE ARE NOT VICTIMS OF OUR NERVOUS SYSTEM.
Our culture uses so many excuses because of our trauma.
I have trained for a decade to be “trauma-informed” (before it was hip to do so).
Why? I had no other choice. I needed to evolve to lead others.
Our culture has created a situation where people feel like they need to walk on eggshells around those that are sensitive.
Worse yet… Highly sensitive people demand it. To be treated cautiously because they are not as “regulated”.
This is creating more dis-ease within the body and within our relationships.
I was doing this with my son.
I was making nerf “evil” and making so much meaning about it.
I was a victim of it.
Using our “nervous system is holding old trauma” as an excuse to avoid more traumatic experiences is one thing.
However, what happens when we use our sensitivities as excuses as to why we cannot connect more deeply in intimacy, love, play, and joy…?
What happens when we FORGET that we SOURCE OUR OWN SAFETY?
Then there is a HUGE opportunity reflecting back to us in the MIRROR.
More regulation is needed for us to evolve.
We cannot force the nervous system to find regulation and safety.
It’s our job to be with ourselves (with the tools) to regulate.
It’s an inner game we must step in to play.
We will not get this regulation from external things, people, or experiences.
We must come back to our body, breath, and ground down physically to the earth.
It’s only then that we can surrender back to play and ourselves.
✨✨✨✨
Recently, he came back to me to ask for the nerf war again.
He had vests, a long sleeve shirt for me, a face mask, and more. He invited me to play and offered ways for more safety.
✨My mama self wanted to make him happy. I was touched by his soul. I also felt guilt I was putting him off.
✨My little girl wanted to play and didn’t know how. My little girl self DIDN’T FEEL SAFE TO PLAY.
✨ My adult self felt tired and avoidant of anything that was dysregulating to my system.
Truth be told, as he asked me again. I literally looked at my calendar because I was certain I’d had something to do… something to use as an excuse to AVOID THE PLAY AND INTIMACY that had been beckoning to me from my beloved son (and the greatest teacher).
Low and behold, my business manager, Jess, had blocked off my calendar that day with a note that said: “day off”. No excuses were left.
So many of us (me included 🤚) do not let ourselves relax, play and be lazy because we fear what it would mean for our busy addicted selves.
👉We secretly despise lazy people.
👉We believe we don’t have time to play.
👉We don’t know how to let go and be uncomfortable.
👉We unconsciously fear the intimacy required to be present with another person when we are NOT in control. 👈 👈 👈
We are not grounded and open in our body and therefore we are not FREE.
✨✨✨✨
My son cannot stop talking about how much fun we had and wants to do it again asap.
I had so much fun my jaw hurt from smiling for so long.
I felt so safe and protected with all the gear and padding too.
It seems silly now, that I put this off, and that I didn’t believe my system could take it…
That’s one of the gifts…
I was in victim mode with my nervous system. I didn’t believe in my evolution.
When we look to see where we avoid and allow ourselves to safely and gently step into the uncomfortable we can truly see what we are capable of.
Giving is receiving.
He gave me an invitation to play and I received so much more.
I gave him the gift of intimacy along with my presence and laughter and he received so much more.
It was beautiful.
He is beautiful.
God, I love him so much.
Play is our medicine.
Our nervous systems and beliefs are evolving every day.
👉we are not victims to our physical body, we are here to grow spiritually within this body vessel. It’s our purpose 👈
We source our OWN safety!
Children are our teachers in this realm. Listen to them.
Love to you all,
Renee
Thank you! Great piece